Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
