We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
