But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
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I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
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I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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