When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize