At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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