Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
