Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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