i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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