and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
