"it" just moved
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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