carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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