I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
