I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
