There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I wish you could order shots online.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
