Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
