bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
