This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
