dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
