I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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