he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
