Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
this will be a night to untag.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
