I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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