u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
