dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
