I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
