You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
