I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
