Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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