is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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