Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
