Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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