I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
