i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
