I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
