Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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