everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
