Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I will be naked everywhere
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
