At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
