I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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