I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
