just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
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All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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