And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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