there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
