she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
