i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
