frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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