you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
