Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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