if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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