..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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