i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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