You work out of a Hotel?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
