I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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