she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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