he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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