So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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