things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
