Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
