i already hear my dad disowning me
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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