Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
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You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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