Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i think i just lost a toe
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
