miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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