thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
