So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
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You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
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its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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