And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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