Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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