Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
