i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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