I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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