Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
