Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
