okay pat passed out under dana's car
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
