I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
