Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
