i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
