Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
