i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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