highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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