Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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