she looked like the before picture.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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