chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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