If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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