i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
